angry pirate

[ang-gree pahy-ruh t]

What does angry pirate mean?

Shiver me ... timbers? 

An angry pirate is a made-up sex act where a man receiving a blowjob ejaculates in his partner’s eye and then kicks them in the shin, resulting in his partner squinting and hopping around on one leg, resembling a pirate with an eye patch and peg leg—and we're guessing they're pretty angry.

Angry pirate is also the name of an equally vile rum-based cocktail.

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Examples of angry pirate

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Examples of angry pirate
If someone is obsessed with the "angry Pirate" should you ask them to seek therapy?
@amyvandyken, July, 2009
#NaughtyListBecause I attempted the "Angry Pirate" On my wife.. Didn't work out, It's harder than it sounds.. it's the timing...
@joeadkinson13, December, 2014
But part of the joy of sex is its wonderful variety. There’s so much you can do beyond just jamming your genitals together, and we should applaud humankind’s creativity for coming up with some truly strange sexual acts...Such strange sexual acts include the angry pirate.
Ellen Scott, Metro, March, 2018

Where does angry pirate come from?

The angry pirate is yet another example of the power of the early 2000s internet to invent crazy sex acts meant to be hilarious but enjoyable to absolutely no one and have hopefully never been attempted in real life.

After it was mentioned on a Usenet forum in 2002, angry pirate made its Urban Dictionary debut in 2003 and has been amusing—and horrifying—people ever since. There are variations, like the so-called one-eyed angry pirate, involving sex from behind, a spit fake-out, and … you get the idea. 

When it’s not being used to get laughs on social media, angry pirate fills in as the name for a nauseatingly green concoction of rum, schnapps, and pineapple juice, as well as a Double IPA from Minnesota’s Third Street Brewhouse.

The UK’s answer to Snooki, Holly Hagan, shocked audiences with an attempted explanation of the angry pirate on the reality series Five Star Hotel in March 2018.

Who uses angry pirate?

Angry pirate is also the name of several restaurants around the world, although we imagine the owners were thinking of something more nautical when they chose the name. Sadly, the Angry Pirate Bar in Colorado Springs made headlines in May 2018 for being the site of a shooting.

There’s also a Kentucky race horse named Angry Pirate. (Still a better name than Seabiscuit.) Then, there’s also an online game, Angry Pirates, a ballistic shooting game.

Try to avoid using angry pirate in polite company, as it can lead to some arrrrkward scenarios—or maybe some good belly laughs.

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