Sweets to the Sweet: 12 Shakespeare Valentines Just For You

Bard

When you hear bard, you probably think of a guy with a lute singing songs in a castle. Some of you may have thought of someone who uses their artistic abilities to inspire the party (and do some light magic). But today, we’re talking about the capital B Bard: Shakespeare. Sure, he wrote over 35 plays and hundreds of poems, and invented over 1,700 words. But truly, his greatest (and most underappreciated) gift to humanity was the amazing collection of one-liners he wrote for lovers and haters alike. We’ve put together 12 of our favorites. Just be careful not to send the wrong one to the wrong person.

Pardon

A pardon is “forgiveness of an offense or discourtesy.” Is loving someone too much offensive? If so, we don’t want to be courteous.

Stewed Prune

On the one hand, stewed prunes are a home remedy for constipation. On the other, stewed can also mean “intoxicated or drunk.” How much faith do you have in either of those options?

Infinite

Yes, it’s from the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. No, it’s not quoted nearly as often as some of the other lines.

Discussing infinity can get really deep, really fast (like the sea). So if you’re all in on your love, why not express the immeasurably amazing, unmeasurably boundless greatness of it?

Infect My Eyes

To infect is to “to affect or contaminate (a person, organ, wound, etc.) with disease-producing germs.” Can you think of someone who makes your eyes feel infected just by looking at them? Probably. This card is for them.

Doubt

Fun fact: Galileo Galilei was about the same age as Shakespeare. There were people during their time who knew the Earth revolved around the sun (and not the other way around). Copernicus published his theory on this in 1543. Galileo’s paper confirming the idea (which caused a big scandal with the Church) wasn’t published until 1610. Hamlet was first performed around 1599–1602, which puts it just before Galileo confirmed that the sun doesn’t move.

Another fun fact: The stars technically aren’t made of fire. They’re made of plasma, which is way more awesome.

#science

Better Strangers

You know, practice makes perfect. The more you practice being strangers, the better strangers you’ll be. One day, with hard work and determination, you might even achieve the status of perfect strangers. Believe in yourself!

More

When your love holds the #1 spot above all else (and we mean ALL else), this is the verse for you. If you read space as outer space, and you believe that outer space is infinite, then more is quite a lot. Way better than the old “I love you to infinity plus one,” isn’t it?

Elbows

The human elbow is where three bones called the humerus, radius, and ulna meet. There isn’t really much room for brains in there, but maybe that’s what makes this one humerus.

This one’s for that special someone who knows just how brainy your elbows really are.

Companion

Whether they’re your accomplice, your colleague, your mate, your partner, your bestie, or all of the above, let them know you’d always want them on your team.

Spit

Spit means both “to eject saliva from the mouth” and “to express hatred or contempt by or as if by ejecting saliva from the mouth.” Whether you’re going for the literal meaning or would rather fight things out with words, you know things are serious when you declare your spit’s too clean to be worth spitting.

Infect My Brain

You probably already know who you want to send this one to. Then again, if you dive down to the lower definitions of infect, it doesn’t HAVE to be a negative thing (think infectious laughter). It’s just that it usually is...

Cupid Painted Blind

We’ve all heard that “love is blind,” so it makes sense that Cupid, a symbol of love, would also be blind (or blindfolded). The idiom basically means that the way people fall in love is irrational and kind of random. Just like a naked, winged baby shooting arrows without looking where they’re going. That’s pretty dangerous if you think about it. Stay alert this Valentine’s Day. Don’t let Cupid blind you.

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